Consulting Progress Report 12-11-09

My Deloitte colleagues asked me over dinner the other night whether I had a progress report on my blog of Andrew's development.  I guess Jim and I are not the Type A parents.  If we were, we would have provided weekly status updates to our viewers.  More importantly, as Type A parents we would have chosen his name before the day he was discharged from the hospital (and given ourselves more time to run through baby names in the rest of the alphabet), enrolled him in daycare two years ago (yes, the waitlists in DC are crazy), and taught him how to read and write by now (if only I had purchased the DVD's from the late night "Your Baby Can Read!" infomercials!!). Not only did I not meet my colleagues' expectations, but I've also failed them on being a model "Consulting Mom" by neglecting to do any of the following:

1. Coin new terms to describe the baby's progress (e.g., "Andrew gives us a cromulent amount of time to sleep, but we would still like to embiggen his Z-acquisition cycle.")
2. Create a two-by-two matrix and rig it so that Andrew would always fall on the "Rockstar" quadrant.  In our case, Andrew would be a stellar performer if our axes were 1) Frequency of Spit-Up vs. 2) Volume of Diaper filling
3. Develop metrics to assess his "deliverables" - for Andrew, his deliverables would be the aforemetioned items listed in bullet 2
4. Conduct a cost-benefit analysis of using diapers versus letting him run wild in our backyard (aka Rock Creek Park)
5. Build a sophisticated model forecasting Andrew's height and weight.  With the data points we've collected so far, I'm sure our model would predict Andrew to be 8' tall and 200 lbs at age 10.

Oh well, I have not done any of items listed above, but we did collect some information today that I would like to report: Weight: 17 lbs, Height: 25.5 inches. 

Overall, the status for this week is green.